Douglas and Dodge Streets

Ian and I are finally through.

I think.

I keep hoping he will call and I probably won't even really be able to understand him being gone for a long time. I will wake up thinking about how I feel about him and want to pick up the phone and just before I do I will realize that he is probably dating someone else.

I went to BKing with Priya and Derrick tonight. I tried to eat away my feelings, it didn't work. Regardless, we were driving back and Derrick took a weird route with all these one way streets. Priya asked, "Where are we?" And all I could think was how fitting it was. Are Ian and I one separate and parallel one way streets headed in opposite directions, or am I just supposed to wait and see if he comes to me? Am I supposed to get to him?

I don't know if he still wants me at all, I don't know if he is hoping or thinking anything that I am. I don't know if his heart is aching or if he is crying and there is nothing I can do because he stopped answering his phone. He stopped answering his phone.

He,
stopped answering his phone.

That is what he does for people he hates or is mad at, and I just made the list.

He will see my number and not pick up like he does with his sister, father, mother, or anyone that wasn't me before.

I have never been so alone. He knew me completely, even when I didn't know myself. And he is gone.

I really don't know what to do except try and get on with life. Eat. Drink. Breathe. I guess that is the best plan I have right now.

The best plan I have while Sublime's "Love is what I got" comes on my computer and makes me cry.

I know Ian would have some good advice at a time like this.

I am so empty. I have written a lot of lonely and broken hearted blog entries in my day, but this has just topped my list.

He hung up on me, and stopped answering his phone. It's all I can think about as I hear Ludacris in my head, "Hey this is Ludacris, and they can't come to the phone right now. . . "

I can't even bring myself to take the ring off my finger. I don't know what to do.