Studying for Finals

I am really tired today. I am on the edge of burning out on studying. It is all I have been doing all weekend. Thinking back to my chapter tests in different classes, they always seem like nothing compared to the final.

My back hurts, I need to shower and I just want to go home. I found out today that my flight is delayed slightly on Friday. . . I am not happy.

I had an interesting discussion with Ian last night, and even though he and I are going to be ok, I feel like I am not myself when I woke up this morning. I felt it deep within me, I was no longer Catholic.

I have often wanted to convert, been unsure of my beliefs, and then woken up to find that I wanted to be a nun. However, I really want to be a priest, something I will never be able to do within the Catholic sexism that exists in my lifetime. I cannot believe that I am a second rate citizen, and I will not get married in an institution that says I am. I cannot.

I guess at this point I should stop typing, because I need to pick up the phone and tell Ian all of this.

On a separate note, however, Matt called me and congratulated me about my future engagement. I have mixed feelings toward the congratulations, because it means that he finally reads this blog, after I no longer want him to. It makes me wonder why he is reading the blog. Finally, it makes me happy that he can be happy for me, but does not increase my likelihood to ever spend time with him again.

Well, time to run. Naptime then studying for theology, spanish, and communications, which are all tomorrow. Not to mention chemistry which I will never be ready for.