I Am Pretty Lost Right Now

I cannot sleep. My stomach feels hungry and then when I eat it does not feel full or good.

I popped the "d" key off of my keyboard, so I have to go get it fixed sometime this week.

If my life were a movie it would be something like this:

Natalie walks up Creighton mall, pulls coat tightly around her. Cue an Alicia Keys tragic song. Nat keeps walking, breath is visible. Cuts to shots of her and Ian during better times, laughing, throwing pillows at each other, running and hugging. Cuts back to a close up on Natalie's face that shows a single tear running down her cheek. She enters Kiewit Hall and stops by lobby tv where Olympic skiing is on. More shots of Ian giving her a kiss, her and him petting a dog, her clasping her hands together while she says "PUUUUUleeeeeeeeeeesee?" and him agreeing to whatever it is. Splice with shots of Natalie in a car at night, street lights show glimpses of her staring out a window with an empty look in her eye and some slow motion shots. Finish with a shot of Natalie's shoulders and head in shower. . .weeping uncontrollably. Song ends. . .fade to black.

I am just so lost and I keep hoping that he is happy and not suffering like I am. I know that if we don't get back together I will probably never forgive myself and I will definitely never get over him.

I just ache and there is nothing that anyone or anything can do about it. . . as I stare at my phone.

I am pathetic.

But at least my room is clean!
-Nat