Out on the town

I got out of my room today and out on the town tonight. It felt really good to be off campus, but at the same time all I could do was carry my dead broken heart.

As we walked out of the movie theater tonight, Rascall Flatts "God Bless the Broken Road" was playing. I remember Ian and I dancing to it one night at my house last semester. The thing is, even if we don't ever work out and even if I have to carry my broken heart with me until I die, it will have been worth it for those few short times when I saw him and it made him happy to be with me. I will miss snuggling, kissing, holding, touching, and mostly talking, but I am just glad I got him for a little while.

I hurt. Yes, I hurt terribly, beyond anything I thought was humanly possible. It hurts to breathe or live, yet I am, and I am gladly doing so.

Perhaps Ian will call me and suddenly decide that he is willing to take another risk on us. More likely, he will never make that call and will only call on me as a friend, and I will be here for him.

Maybe we aren't the best for each other, but God I love him, and I just pray he finds what is the best for him. I really do want him to be happy.

Ian, if you are reading this, this song goes out to you tonight. I hope that your broken road leads you to whomever is going to make you smile everyday. I love you. I wish you only the best on your journey.

Rascal Flatts - Bless The Broken Road Lyrics
I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you
Every long lost dream lead me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true
Every long lost dream lead me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you