Would you love me if I was crazy?

I am crazy, completely, always have been.

I'm different, not the same, the one that doesn't belong. I'm ok with that. I am tired of facing judgment, of dealing with other people's judgment.

I mean, do they know what it is really like to eat an orange? Do they know that grass is oh so much greener when you lay in it? That leaves have to be pulled off trees and ripped to shreds? That music can take you a million miles away, that a book can make you anybody?

I am crazy, I really am. I want to do crazy things, I want to hike Everest. I want to see the world from a thousand feet under the ocean, I want to know what someone has never known before.

I want to be different. I want to be special.

But would you still love me? I know that your answer is yes, but then I worry, do you only love because I am crazy? Would you love me if I was like everyone else?

I just don't know anymore, these answers. I don't know myself. I am lost in thought, in work, in study. I am lost in love.

Would you love me if I was a vampire? If I took other people's lives so that I could survive? Would you love me if I was crazy?

Would you trust me, if I asked you to jump off a cliff with me?

I want to be free. I want to stop these painful visions, but yet I know that they hold the answer. I am crazy I know, which is why I turned off the comments to this particular post, because I don't want to know what you have to say about it.

shhh, don't tell me. I'm crazy.