Welcome to the Sideshow

That fire of being accepted, of being loved for who I am has gone to rot. I failed to realize that no one really knew the extent of my diseases except for Kellen, Ian, Kenna, Priya, Robyn, Derrick, Diego, Mel and my family. Everyone else has balked since they found out.

I wish there was a category on facebook that read, "un-date-able". Then I could at least label myself from the get go and avoid the pain.

I just have a steel rod pushed through my chest right now by so many people, and it just gets cranked every time someone inadvertently brings me down. What a waste of life am I.

I will die alone. It was bad enough when I was the girl who had tumors and a dead mother. . .Now I am completely crossed of everyone's list until I can say, "Oh yeah, I barely remember any of that." But how do I forget something so pertinent to my life?

I'm going to English now, and I am heart-broken all over again. The dreams of yesterday were far more beautiful than these shallow dreams I shall have yet.

All is lost, and as the rain comes down on my soggy gray world, I can only hope that God gives me purpose for tomorrow.