Out For the Count

Ok, so this summer I am moving to Xanga for my blog, which makes sense seeing as this blog was my life in Omaha. Anyway, I don't want to put it on here, because then I have no control over who gets the next one....

HOWEVER, I will say this, if you are a friend of mine on facebook, you can find it there.

Dominic and others that want it need to shoot me an email because I will completely forget to send it to you otherwise.

Email me at- NatalieLRivera@gmail.com

For a Man Who Saw Something Good In Me

I left my heart on your front seat when you drove away,
I didn't expect to see you leave,
Yet I never did think that you would stay,

Yeah, left that heart where you could see it,
Yeah, it never did belong to me,
It's a tragedy of circumstance, but damn fate,
We're never gonna' beat it.

Boy, I would love you if I could,
I would hold if you if I should,
But now everything has gone to Hell.

I tried to let this passion die,
I tried to help you realize-
I was never gonna be good for you.

God you know I would
I would love you if I could
I would hold you. . . Wonder if I should

Damn this misery I put on you
Damn this destiny
Damn this world I brought you into
Damn this whole freakin scene

Damn the people that bring you down
I'm still hoping you'll come around
But I see the tail lights and there you go -
Physical distance finally catching up to the length between our souls

I'm swearing to you that I would give anything to just-
Just for one day I would
Love you if I could
I really don't think I should
_ _ _, for you I wish my heart would.

My Biological Excuse For Never Falling In Love Again

Ok, a dead lady bug, Mark, Matt, Foy, Priya, Robyn, and a cigarette helped me come up with this theory, but none of them know it, less they read this. So take it with a grain of salt.

I haven't had much time to blog this week- but here is me procrastinating on my studying for finals. (Incidentally, this was first written during a biology review as he explained axons and the kidney.) So without further ado- The No Love Theory (abridged)

Romantic Love- Does it even exist? I understand the concept of loving other people and giving ourselves to them as friends and family. I have felt all of this. However, what evidence do we have for 'romantic' love? What is this so called attraction to one person out of the billions that exist? Let us also be honest for a moment, there are many scientific and legitimate reasons for explanations for or actions associated with this so-called 'love.' At the simplest level, we want our genes to be passed on. When we care for others we are assisting our species to survive, not truly caring for them.

Pair bonding is something that originally existed to allow our species to do well. One male only has to provide for one female and his offspring, aka his genes. The male workforce began because, frankly, women of our species are highly vulnerable when they are pregnant. They are awkward and pretty incapable of protecting both herself and the unborn child from danger. She cannot be out hunting a mammoth while as he can be.

Hormones and endorphines attract us to others, especially on a carnal level. Kisses, hugs, nuzzling, and 'making love' are simply ways our species increases that bond between mates so as to show to other potential mates that one is 'off the market' so to speak. We mark our territory in hickeys and sex.

Ah, yes, I almost forgot! Birth Control. As overpopulation begins to reach a life threatening level on this planet, is it any surprise that our intellectual species came up with a solution to that? No, we did not evolve to this, but we created it all the same.

So there you go- Love does not exist.

Go ahead, applause, give me a prize, a trophy, etc. It was all a big genetic scam that we fed into like Santa Claus so that we could sleep at night. I mean, we needed SOMETHING to passive our time. Also, what would the fine arts be without 'love?'

....

Ok, there is a snag. It is a major rift in the theory. Not to say that there isn't more than one, but this one is so large that it makes me almost believe in love again. Almost.

Well what is it? Ok, I'm about to step outside my PC limits for a moment. Don't get offended too quickly.

In one word- Homosexuality. Honestly, what benefit do humans receive from being involved in a life mating with one of the same gender? Why are we attracted to this? What could possibly be the reason beyond love?

Let us readdress my biological reasoning:
Could it be sexual gratification? Perhaps, but why would instincts drive us to homo-gender physical relations ? There is not a good biological reason. Instinctively, we have a sexual need so that our species is encouraged to reproduce and pass on our genes. Obviously no child can be created naturally through a relationship like this, so what purpose is there.

This leads into the possibility of natural birth control. Is is possible? Obviously no child is created, but our habitat is not so greatly crowded where a mutation in our genetics would cause a higher success rate to occur for our species overall. Also, homosexuality has been with us since the dawn of mankind, so what purpose does it serve. Not possibly birth control. In all truth, cannibalism would be more beneficial to our overpopulation problem then homosexuality is. So there is not really a good biological reason for it, despite it being a biological effect of our species.

Yet these individuals nurture and care for each other, clearly not helping the overpopulation by assisting in more people surviving, yet not passing on genes, and it abandons the commonly obtained evolutionary theories of roles associated with pregnancy difficulties because there is not a child. The same could be said of any heterosexual couple that does not reproduce either.

It is interesting in our world that the only real evidence of love and true pair bonding are often the most ridiculed. Hatred is spewed on homosexuals, yet they are a precious sign of love!

While I do not know if I believe that I personally am capable of 'romantic' love anymore-
and after my life I am not sure if this love really exists at all or if it is simply something we comfort ourselves with. This also applies to faith in God. I will also admit that this may just be a 'broken heart' speaking out in a theory, but I would not know.

I mean, there is no scientific evidence to back God either, it is all faith. So do I believe in this love? I have faith in God, I have faith in the love of mankind, and I believe in the inherent goodness of others (if for nothing else but for the continuation of our species)...

To sum up:

I don't know if I will ever love again,
Or if I have ever truly felt this romance, this 'love' at all.