"You two make a gorgeous couple." -Julia Romo

Ian asked me, on December 16th, at 4 am to be his wife. I have never been so happy in my entire life. The ring is beautiful. My life is FABULOUS. Nay, OUR life is fabulous.

Right now he is house sitting and I am missing him terribly, half of our bed is empty. He makes me smile like no one ever has. All of the things I thought were ugly in myself he loves and makes beautiful. He is my other half, and soon we will be joined together forever.

He is transferring to Creighton and I am ecstatic. When he kisses me it is as if the world stops spinning. We are like puzzle pieces, we fit together and we are two of one whole.

So how did he do it? Well, he flew to Omaha without me having ANY idea. In fact, I was worried that he was hurt, because he hadn't called me all day. Finally I went to bed because there was nothing else I could do. At 3:47 my phone rang, and it was Ian. "God damn it is cold out, you didn't tell me it was this cold in Omaha!"
Sleepy eyed and half awake I asked him what he was talking about. He said that he was outside my building, and urged me to get him out of the 20 degree weather. Needless to say, I doubted him momentarily. However, soon I was out of bed pulling on clothes and dashing downstairs to his arms.

I was worried about him. I was wondering what the love of my life was doing standing before me at 4 am. He told me that he had been stuck in Denver, and he was sorry he was late. Before I could ask why he was in Omaha, especially the day that I was coming back to Albuquerque, he stopped me. He said that since he had been stuck in Denver for a while he had written a song for me. The song he sung was beautiful and spoke of how much he loved me. He kept singing, and it was long, and I could tell that it came straight from his heart. Then came the last line, and the song ended with, "Will you marry me?"

Suddenly he was down on his knee and holding open a ring box. I was in shock. I was not even able to speak. I just hugged him and kissed him, and said, "I love you." He told me that I hadn't answered his question, and so I spurted out, "YES! OF COURSE!"

We spent the rest of the night talking, and laughing, and holding each other. It was beautiful. It was perfect.

At 8 am I went and took a final, and I got to come back to my room, where Ian was asleep in my bed, waiting to hold me in his arms.

I hope that you can all be happy for us, but even if you are not, it does not matter, because we are happy enough for ourselves. I hope that you all can find your perfect partner, your other side, like we have.

Studying for Finals

I am really tired today. I am on the edge of burning out on studying. It is all I have been doing all weekend. Thinking back to my chapter tests in different classes, they always seem like nothing compared to the final.

My back hurts, I need to shower and I just want to go home. I found out today that my flight is delayed slightly on Friday. . . I am not happy.

I had an interesting discussion with Ian last night, and even though he and I are going to be ok, I feel like I am not myself when I woke up this morning. I felt it deep within me, I was no longer Catholic.

I have often wanted to convert, been unsure of my beliefs, and then woken up to find that I wanted to be a nun. However, I really want to be a priest, something I will never be able to do within the Catholic sexism that exists in my lifetime. I cannot believe that I am a second rate citizen, and I will not get married in an institution that says I am. I cannot.

I guess at this point I should stop typing, because I need to pick up the phone and tell Ian all of this.

On a separate note, however, Matt called me and congratulated me about my future engagement. I have mixed feelings toward the congratulations, because it means that he finally reads this blog, after I no longer want him to. It makes me wonder why he is reading the blog. Finally, it makes me happy that he can be happy for me, but does not increase my likelihood to ever spend time with him again.

Well, time to run. Naptime then studying for theology, spanish, and communications, which are all tomorrow. Not to mention chemistry which I will never be ready for.

Thank You For Gatorade

I am currently rehydrating. All week I have been very low on it. For a while I just stopped caring. Which is, of course, bad.

I realized today that I am totally in love with Ian. I mean, enough to grow up for him. I was really hurt, but instead of continuing the pain for both of us, I finally just did something about. I had thought (immaturely so) that being the first to apologize and coming up with a solution would mean I had given up, but it actually was the harder thing to do. I love Ian.

I think that in another year and a half, I will most likely be sitting with him in an apartment, dogs at our feet, just reflecting on how much we love our life. I will no doubt reread this blog at some point and say the exact same thing about Ian that I did about Gatorade today.

He refuels me, he saves my life, without him I wither and die. He is my life force.

I had to let go of my past feelings about Matt. I realized that they were like Charlie Horse Time, just a memory, not something I still felt, or needed to. I miss it like. . .karate. Overall, I am better without it, because I am alive.

Only one more week.

SEMESTER IS OVER! I have three finals on Monday, so I am going to go nap, workout, then study. I have no choice but to do so. I think that I will study for COM 152 tonight. Anyway, talk to ya'll later. I love you.

No Escape Panic Attack- Something I Just Can't Get Past

I figured the best way to state what I was feeling, is put up a little conversation my brother and I had tonight:


NatalieLRivera: so can I tell you something Dominic?
RockLobster3333: yes you can
NatalieLRivera: I'm really broken hearted, and have been for about a month now.
RockLobster3333: Why?
NatalieLRivera: Ian told me. He told me he was going to ask me over Christmas.
NatalieLRivera: It was an accident
NatalieLRivera: but he ruined the surprise.
NatalieLRivera: Then he didn't want me to tell ya'll because you guys were so excited about it.
RockLobster3333: oh man
NatalieLRivera: So the entire last month I've just been dealing with the fact that the best thing of my life was ruined for me.
RockLobster3333: what did he say that ruined it?
NatalieLRivera: "I already asked your dad for your hand."
NatalieLRivera: Then i heard the whole story
NatalieLRivera: about how he asked Dad when Dad was sharpening knives, etc.
RockLobster3333: oh man
NatalieLRivera: Yeah. . . .there's nothing that sucks worse.
RockLobster3333: The WHOLE thing?
NatalieLRivera: not how he was going to do it, just when
NatalieLRivera: which apparently is no longer the plan
NatalieLRivera: because now I know when
NatalieLRivera: it's still ruined for me then
NatalieLRivera: it's the only thing he had to get right
NatalieLRivera: and he blew it
RockLobster3333: ....oh man that blows
NatalieLRivera: yeah. . . which is why we can't tell Julia, for sure.
NatalieLRivera: but it looks like you guys already know how to keep a secret
RockLobster3333: ?
NatalieLRivera: even when I had that conversation w/ you about how Christmas wasn't going to be exciting because Dad wasn't asking her
NatalieLRivera: you didn't tell me. It didn't matter, cuz I already knew.
NatalieLRivera: He had even told my friends hereNatalieLRivera: and they didn't say anything. I was totally oblivious
RockLobster3333: I'm not a surprise ruiner kinda guy
NatalieLRivera: I just don't know what to do now
NatalieLRivera: It just sucks.
RockLobster3333: why does surprise matter?!?! He loves you and it doesn't matter how or when really, just that he loves you
NatalieLRivera: yeah I know
RockLobster3333: it's a good thing, but it's not necessary
NatalieLRivera: it is necessary
NatalieLRivera: because as my bestfriend
NatalieLRivera: he ruined it
NatalieLRivera: I would have NEVER done that to him
NatalieLRivera: imagine the BEST gift you could have possibly ever imagined getting in your entire life
NatalieLRivera: and then your bestfriend blowing the surprise
RockLobster3333: He didn't mean to!!
NatalieLRivera: when no one else even considered it
NatalieLRivera: Actually he did.
NatalieLRivera: He did it intentionally
RockLobster3333: WHY?!?!?
NatalieLRivera: because we got into a stupid spat over something small
NatalieLRivera: and he was afraid I would leave him
NatalieLRivera: so he told me that
NatalieLRivera: so that he could prove how much he loved me
RockLobster3333: god fucking damnit IAN!!!!!
RockLobster3333: AAAHHH
RockLobster3333: ::sigh::